Well looks like I’ve gone and gotten myself busy again. But there is time for this entry.

I thought that if I could get through the first day fine, I could handle the second.

Wrong.

The first day of Catherine’s absence was busy. I purposely occupied my time with a trip to the shopping mall, which I was able to stretch into a 5 hour affair. Afterwards I helped my mother chase down some erroneous necessities required for a proper Christmas celebration. All in all, out of the 24 hours in a day, I spent 9 sleeping, 5 going to the mall, which meant I needed something to do for the remainder of the 10 hours. Problem was I couldn’t go outside much since everything reminded me of Catherine a lot, so I went to dinner with my parents. Another 2 hours to add to the tally. Now I’m at 8 more hours to go so I decided to be good offspring and help my parents keep our home looking respectable. Time didn’t exactly fly by, but it did move along. I missed Catherine throughout the entire day and the day felt a lot longer than it actually did. I felt like sleeping through the entire day but then I would miss out on being in touch with Catherine.

Day 2 is even worse. By now her trip is in full swing, and I am feeling miserable. The day started rather innocuously, and soon became hectic. Realizing that going to the shopping mall only made me miss Catherine even more, I decided to wash my car since I thought that wouldn’t remind me too much of her.

I was so wrong. Inside my car were little pieces and mementos of Catherine that made washing an exercise in sentimental futility. What I thought would be a way to miss Catherine even less by occupying my time, turned out to be a way to really remind me just how much I truly miss her. I spent the rest of the day cleaning hoping that I could be productive, but I was sentimental again.

I’d write more, but the day is coming to an end and I am eagerly anticipating day 3. I get the feeling that day 3 will be quite cute!

I cannot believe what happened today.

Let me start slow. I was not my usual self today – I let Catherine down.

She called me this morning and woke me up as usual. I answered in perfect harmony as I was just dreaming about her so it felt great to hear her cheery, cute voice. Half way through the conversation I asked her if I could go back to sleep again. She wanted me to give her a ride, and I refused initially.

I cannot understand why I did this. I still cannot. The entire day she was shooting daggers at my heart and I was defenseless. Catherine is my life and I let her down. She felt down as a result and she does need to feel down. She needs and deserves a boyfriend and husband that can never let her down. I am that person. I just hope that your faith in me hasn’t wavered. You are my goddess Catherine, and that will never change.

I hope she somehow scours upon this post when she searches the internet. I want her to see this post. She needs to see just how sorry I am. I need you Catherine. You are my life. I should never disappoint you and that will always hold true. Today I valued my rest more than your comfort, and for that I pay a harsh price.

I love you Catherine.

It seems that not even a month can go by without me feeling a twinge of jealousy. Hell, who am I kidding – I’d be lucky to go a complete hour without harboring those kinds of thoughts, but I’m just not that lucky.

Men with ugly girlfriends have it easy – they don’t need to worry about who’s hitting on their girlfriends because they’re not that pretty. I know this sounds arrogant, but I am being earnest. Ugly girlfriends do not attract attention, hence jealousy is not a plight registered by a lot of men.

That leaves me in a major hole. My girlfriend is attractive. Very attractive. Amazing. Beautiful. Smart. I’ll stop as I can write multi-volume, leather bound books on the exquisite subject of Catherine’s beauty. Because my heart rate accelerates to that of a marathon runner every time we are out together, I must find a way to cope with jealousy.

I am not afraid of losing Catherine. So it’s not that if we’re out on the streets, other suitors will come up to her and flash credit cards and Ferraris and she would immediately be impressed.

Actually wait…

Never mind. Thankfully that does not happen in real life and the last time I checked my life is not the set of another Kardashian TV spectacle.

But I cannot get these thoughts out of my mind. Catherine is out of my league. Way out of my league. We’re talking Major League Baseball compared to my single-A pee-wee blind and disabled kid league. She tells me that I should relax and that not everyone will see her as the most beautiful girl walking the earth. I cannot possibly believe her when she says this since the day that I stop thinking she’s attractive and out of my league is the day I will be dead. There simply is -no- other way that I would think that Catherine is my equal and not my superior in terms of attractiveness, intelligence, and creativity.

But back to the main point once again. This jealousy comes from people on streets, waiters in restaurants, schoolmates, the homeless, car repair monkeys, mailmen, policemen, construction workers. This I grow to live with. But it gets to the point where even people within a church seem to think that god is giving them the green-light to hit on Catherine. Now I know god wants all of us to be happy (primarily the main reason god invented sunglasses – since people wearing them are so cool and seem so happy), but god must be blind looking from so far-away up in heaven that she/he/it fails to see that Catherine and I are together. Not Catherine and __________ (insert name here). All eyes from fertile, sexually mature boys are on her all the time, and even though I know that at the end of the day her and I are together forever, it still makes me so jealous. I thought briefly that since the church provides sanctuary to the weary, it would provide sanctuary in the same way in terms of people hitting on Catherine. But I guess I was wrong and god is too busy playing basketball to pay attention to what’s happening in church.

Where does this lead me? Nowhere. I will always be jealous it seems, and with good measure. Like I said earlier – the day I stop thinking and looking at Catherine as the greatest person in my life, is simply the day that I will expire. If I stop thinking of Catherine as my goddess, then I will google-map the closest sanitarium and check myself in voluntarily. But even in a straight jacket, I would still be jealous. Oh curses!

Well, back to business. I apologize for the delay in getting back to the things that matter most – relationship of a man deeply in love – but a relationship entails a physical and emotional connection; something that I cannot achieve with Catherine through the Internet.

Today her and I decided to go celebrate Sunday (for no particular reason – just the way we like it!) and made a visit to Koreatown. Ironically the Korean restaurant was shut down, as was the Japanese restaurant (middle of the day too) so we were left with the tried and true staples of every community including Koreatown – random Chinese restaurants.

Now the first one we ventured in was packed like sardines. Not good. Catherine decided, for the good of us both, to relinquish the wait and move to another restaurant. After a minute or two spent searching (these are Chinese restaurants so they are everywhere) we found one and went inside.

We sat down and proceeded to order. The food was fine – a bit bland and lacking in flavour and substance, but overall passable. Now, as is the norm, Catherine and I cannot keep our hands and lips off each other. The restaurant proved to be a convenient place to continue our tradition.

After a few shared kisses (which always feel amazing and a gift from above every time), Catherine noticed that the waitresses looked at us funny every time we kissed. Understandably, it is because we are an interracial couple, but that got me thinking – did our food (or at least mine, since I’m white) come with additional ingredients not written about on the menu?

I knew something was going wrong when the waitresses asked us if we needed forks. I am capable of using chopsticks, even though Catherine will disagree and make comparisons to a neanderthal using a lancet or playing the piano. But I can manage using chopsticks. But we politely declined and ate our meal using chopsticks.

As for the food? Did it come with ‘bonus’ ingredients and ‘Free – One Time Only!!!’ deals?

Well it’s been almost 12 hours and I’m still feeling fine. Perhaps the world is finally beginning to understand interracial relationships.

Andy Dufresne: Get busy living, or get busy dying.

It has been a difficult couple of weeks. That explains the dearth of updates and the sudden lack of content. But there is hope, otherwise I would not be writing this blog but would instead be worrying some more.

Catherine has been going through some rough times and while I will not expose those to the masses of the internet, for those that care I will say that she’s fine and getting better all the time (please, no need to send flowers!).

Now, a common theme that hit both of us over the last little while is the issue of happiness. Can we ever truly be happy in this world when we know what the end brings. Religion of all sorts has tackled this question before, but the ultimate answer is no answer. With 200,000 years of humanity in its current state, everybody has asked the question, but nobody has come up with the answer.

So here I am today, with the nerve and the arrogance to attempt to tackle the question of how can we be more happy in our daily lives, since this topic is very dear to the most important person in my life – Catherine. Well it’s somewhat important to me too, but Catherine comes first. Always.

1. Happiness is found in people closest to us. This is especially true when we establish deep connections with such people. A deep bond between 2 individuals (a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship) or a bond between family members (daughter & mother for example) make us happy (unless you hate your parents and enjoy living life alone, at which point you are a masochist anyways).
2. Eliminate Fear and Anger. This is an important but difficult to attain resolution. For many fear leads to anger, so the cycle is never broken. Furthermore, for others fear of something leads to depression and a changed outlook on life. Realizing what that fear is and how you can cope with it (especially if it’s the kind of fear that impacts everyone – entire populations even) goes a long way. Fear is vital, but we should differentiate substantial fear (which can be dangerous to us) and unsubstantiated fear (which is unavoidable).
3. Smiling and Laughter. This one is a given. People that smile a ton, live a ton longer. But it is often difficult to find reasons to smile in a world that seems so bleak and hopeless. But here’s a little secret I’ll share with the readers of this blog (and I hope to god Catherine doesn’t find out). I really seem to think that every time she’s feeling down or worried about unsubstantiated fear, I should cheer her up. I know I’m master of the obvious here, but let me explain. I love Catherine and nothing brings me more happiness than seeing her smile and laugh. That’s why I will resort to jokes that may or not make sense or putting myself in situations where I know a comical result will occur. Case in point: purchasing women’s pantyliners for Catherine on a bet (even if I won or lost the bet I would get a chance to kiss her – and kisses are usually what we bet on!!). This would lead to laughter all around as I would proceed to ask a female stock shelver which brand is the best since I just started using these after my sex change. This is bizarre and  probably not something that would be funny in other circumstances, but the main point is that it stops her from thinking bad thoughts and can relax in the delirious acts starring her boyfriend.  My secret plan is to always keep Catherine smiling and laughing. I hope she doesn’t come across this and I can keep this information a secret!
4. Stop Giving Up. Never. Never. Never acknowledge that something is unattainable. In my case, if I thought Catherine was unattainable, I would have never found true love and the person with whom I will spend eternity with. I took a chance and was pleasantly rewarded. Giving up just leads to temporary satisfaction of the mind (as the mind would rather accept mediocrity in the short run because it requires minimal effort, but in the long run the mind yearns for that missed opportunity).
5. Stay Positive. Again, there should never be a reason to doubt life. Life is a great gift no matter how imperfect it might seem, and we must cherish it constantly. If we don’t, there really is no purpose to life if we cannot see the beauty in it. People around us, our surroundings, our activities are what matters in life. If we can find meaning in those, we can find meaning in life.

There are many other relevant facts that make life that much more interesting and worth living. A simple search in a search engine will lead to an almost infinite supply of theories and motivations on how to stay happy, cheat death and live life to the fullest. But a simple truth remains: life, in the current capacity, is a tremendous challenge, both rewarding and difficult. Life alone is impossible and life with others can be complicated. Finding the right people in life, staying positive internally, and not worrying about things that can impact us negatively (things like death, which with the way medical technology is advancing will lead to large increases in life expectancy and potentially biological immortality), will lead to a life worth living. We have a lot of time in this life, no matter what awaits us later on. And like Andy Dufrane said, we should get busy living or get busy dying.

Today is Catherine and mine’s 5 month anniversary. I couldn’t be happier. Time spent with Catherine is priceless, and I always cherish every moment we spend together.

But tonight, out of all nights, she went to a makeup gala. Let me say it upfront – I am not mad nor disappointed. I am in fact very happy and have been very excited for her to get this opportunity in the first place, but I miss her. A lot. I know I shouldn’t be selfish and that I will see her soon (in fact her gala ends in about an hour anyway, and I am leaving soon to pick her up), but any time apart leaves me feeling empty.

I gotta stay positive, I cannot succumb to tears. Let’s turn to the internet for entertainment.

First up, I came across this:

Men say I love you sooner than women

Interesting, but it still makes me miss Catherine even more. But there’s a part I’m not a huge fan of.

“So when a man says ”I love you” it might be his way of dealing with a lot of complex, difficult emotions that he doesn”t really understand, whereas when a woman says it, it might carry a greater weight. The classic cliché is that men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love.”

So it makes me seem delusional and problematic if I tell the girl of my dreams whom I’m going to spend eternity with that I love her? Nonsense.

Anyways, still missing Catherine.

Moving on.

So this is rather cliche and I rolled my eyes so much that I began to feel dizzy. Women want a man that  loves them. I can’t believe it took her a whole minute to get to that main point. So again, all I did was waste more time and I am still missing Catherine immensely.

Let’s move on.

Now we’re talking. Lava cake. I get the inclination to make it as I know Catherine will love it.

Sigh. I still miss Catherine so much. At least I stumbled across a recipe that she might enjoy, but I can’t wait to see her soon. In fact I think I’ll leave early just so I’m not late to see her beautiful smile after the gala.

well maybe not…

Well let me explain. This entry is going to be a slight departure from the usual pontificating about how much I love my girlfriend Catherine. While every day that passes my love for her grows immensely, I want to take time out for this entry and talk about another major problem facing North America. The dearth of Asian hockey players in the NHL.

Now let that sink in for just a moment. This is a relationship blog so surely I must be talking about relationships. Contrary to popular opinion, I will not be writing this entry to talk about Asian hockey players and their relationship problems. I do not follow them around nor do I stalk them anymore (stalk-free since 2007! Thank you Dr. Bestow and your team of trained psychiatrists!!) I admit I was inspired by my last entry about the lack of Asians on paternity TV talk shows. Thinking that there must be Asians on such shows, I searched the internet and found nothing to support my assumption. But that got me thinking why there are no Asian players in the NHL. Hell, the NBA has more Asian players and they look menacing and tower above other Westerners.

But let’s begin with some basic stats. According to this wikipedia entry, there are 10 players of Asian descent in the NHL. Taking into account that a good 1/3rd of them are destined to be career minor-leaguers, we are left with a pretty dire situation. This brings about the following questions: why is this happening? Why are Asian boys not destined for the NHL? Are violin and canto lessons to blame? Or is the fact that anything less than an Accounting degree from an Ivy League school considered a family failure? Or that hockey is a white game played by white players on white ice?

While it is true that hockey detracts from Accounting and Electrical Engineering, it’s fun and brings kids together. Naturally Asian parents do not like fun, at least any kinds of fun where mathematics aren’t involved. But let me explain this from an Accounting perspective too (as I too have an Accounting and Finance degree). The trade-off between hockey, which is deemed as fun and of a highly depreciable variety, and studying, which is non-depreciable and in fact appreciates in value over time is obvious. Hockey loses value over time, while studying increases in value. Naturally Asian parents laugh at white parents who don’t realize this, until the tiny kid from next door makes it to the NHL and signs the largest rookie contract in history, while the Asian kid is struggling with Quantitative Statistics II for his UFE (an accounting exam – don’t worry about the contraction, you’re really not missing out on much if anything). But this is besides the point. The point is that hockey offers diminishing returns compared to studying. At least according to Asian parents.

Now another issue is cost of gear. Asian parents are cheap. I say that in a good way. Hockey equipment costs money and that money is better served going to the father’s Lexus hybrid and a new solar powered moon-roof. Here’s the reasoning: the Lexus can be sold and that additional solar powered moon-roof will add value to the car. Hockey gear only gets used a couple of times and the child grows up. Not economical. Buying used? Asian parents won’t hear of it – their child would not play in used equipment, especially if it’s known that a white kid used it before. No way.

I can continue going, and I might in the future, but this blog post needs an end. Now I must say that even though I’m white myself, my parents are exactly like Asian parents in the way I described them (except for the Lexus hybrid). They told me that hockey is dangerous, a waste of time and money, and that school is the only way to go. I know they’re right and that they’re only trying to ensure I follow the safe route, but sometimes I look in bewilderment as my next door neighbour gets a new boat from his recently signed son playing in the NHL. The best I can do is create myself in NHL 2010 and hope that somehow I can get e-famous in the video game.

“Help me Maury. I need to know who my baby’s daddy is!!”

These pivotal words are how many of TV’s talk shows begin. Now naturally you may be wondering why I am even watching these shows instead of doing something more productive, like working on this blog or spending time with Catherine, but I have a perfectly good explanation – she wanted to watch an episode of Maury to relax a bit after a long and hard start to the week.

The shows always start the same way – the host enters, people cheer, guests arrive, more cheering and some booing, and paternity tests which are given out like candy – the usual TV show fare.

But I am not writing this blog telling you what you already know, especially if you enjoy watching these kinds of TV shows.

As Catherine and I cuddled up and watched the show, interspersed with adverts for fictitious online colleges promising a criminal justice diploma in just 3 months with no exams or assignments, we started to notice a strange trend. These shows never seem to feature Asians. None at all. Not even mixed or those 1/32th Asians that are oh-so common. So much inbred white trash seems to overpopulate these shows, and that gets tiring more quickly than the roadkill that they eat for dinner every night.

Both of us realizing that this is probably not an isolated phenomenon, we decided to suffer through a few more paternity tests and watched another talk show. This was the Tyra Banks show. So many teenage girls are pregnant early, and they encompass all the colours of the human rainbow except one – yellow. No Asians here either.

Asians in general aren’t likely to sleep with a stripper or their estranged wife’s 16 year old step-daughter. Nor are they likely to get preggers at 14.

But wait, is this true? Surely as the most populous race, they suffer from these problems as well.

BRB, looking for Maury’s Asian equivalent…

Today Catherine and I decided to visit our city’s fashion week, and take a gander at what local designers are coming up with for next season.

We had 2 ways of getting in there. We could have paid $75 for the entire day, or request media passes and get elbowed and kneed by other photographers carrying a ton of gear. We chose the latter route, and decided to go the media way. When we arrived, we were told to go and find a place near the rest of the photographers.

Now have you noticed how photographers are always seated far away from the rest of the spectators at events? Others tell you that this is because photographers need to be closer to the action, but I’ll share a little secret with everyone. Photographers smell. They do. They have the worst body odour since the majority do not shower (since they are too busy shooting and never seem to have time for personal hygiene – at least according to them). Further more, they reek because of the gear they are carrying. In order to get the best shot, large lenses and heavy cameras must be used. This means added weight, and added smell. And finally, a large number of people, all wearing puffy winter jackets, in a small space can only lead to a very sweatalicious moment. Needless to say, it was uncomfortable.

Now we lasted long enough to see the children’s show, which was mainly memorable for the amount of room parents took up when trying to wave to their child. Needless to say, this ruined the pictures Catherine and I wanted to take. Also, the majority of the kids looked lumpy to say the least, but in their defense, they have all of their lives to grow up into something more respectable (don’t hate me for calling these kids lumpy – potatoes are yummy for example, and they are all lumpy and irregular).

After the children’s show, we decided we had enough of the elbowing and the fresh stench of sweat from the photographers, so we went to sit down in the second row. This also allowed us a better view of what was to come next.

Next up, was a bikini show. Now before you start to feel a rush of blood to your genitals, I will say it upright. I had no interest in the women/men that were promoting bathing suits because I am in a relationship with a girl who is so much more attractive than even the most successful model. But the bikini show was supposed to be a breath of fresh air after the rather average children’s show. Sadly, the bikini show failed miserably. Even the parents of the designer left before her segment was over.

After this, we decided to head out. But for some odd reason, the fashion show was held at a carpet warehouse in the worst part of town. Leaving the show, I was apprehensive thinking if my car would get stolen or not. I reached for the panic button on my car remote and to my surprise I heard a horn beep. Truth to be told, that beep was from another car whom the owner just locked from a distance.

Finding my car and praising the Lord under my breath, Catherine and I went to get a piece of cake to make the day a bit more sweet.

The day always ends bittersweet for me as I am left without my love as I drop her home every night. Even sitting in a small room and bathing in sweat from plump photographers, I still manage to give her a kiss and hold Catherine close. No fashion show no matter how great, can ever deter my attention from Catherine.

Today my girlfriend told me that she is now expecting to get married to Lamar Odom.

Let me explain.

Today has been a very strange day. Catherine called me this morning, feeling a a bit awry. I immediately thought something was adrift, but she assured me she was fine en route to her acting class. But I knew the day was about to turn for the worse, when she told me she was feeling bitchy (most notably, Catherine bitchy means that she will abruptly end our phone call, and would usually follow it up with a text messages stating how much of an oaf I am). But I didn’t think that that was just the beginning.

During her acting class, she sent me a message saying that she wanted to go home. Now after such a morning, I immediately rushed to my automobile and put the keys in the ignition, ready to save the day, when she sends me another message. That one just simply said ‘just kidding’.

So after a long sigh of relief, I headed back home to finish shaving (I bolted out half shaven, only remembering to put on jeans and shirt). After picking Catherine up, the day became a lot more cute and cuddly. We went to a shopping mall to relax and to salvage some of the day, and that was met with more worry. Catherine and I had a kerfluffle (we couldn’t find the right department in a department store – oh the irony) which ended with a purchase. Afterwards we went to get street meat and while I was gone to get it, Catherine was accosted by the parking attendant who told her we couldn’t park at that spot. So this cuddly day continues. At this point, with the luck we had, I was surprised the street meat literally did not fall on the street and was served with extra toppings care of the sidewalk.

On the ride home is where Catherine told me she would marry Lamar Odom.

It started as a long and elaborate joke. By the end of it, she was laughing profusely, while I was in a less than smiling state. Lamar Odom out of all people. Lamar Odom. Lamar Odom. A perfect way to cap the day – my girlfriend and I talking about marriage. Only in this case, she was joking around with Lamar Odom.

So a brief recap of what happened today:

1) a very prickly day
2) Lamar Odom
3 – 15) Lamar Odom